Today I Loved You More

Today I loved you more,

Rushing out the apartment,

The three of us being blown

with Miami November wind

Down 95.

 

Today I loved you more

Scuttling into a crowded auditorium

to hear Junot on complexity,

vulnerability,

hyper-masculinity.

Today I loved you more

When Nikki Giovanni in her curly blonde, halo

breathed out the niceness of

being in love

and you gently covered my hand with yours.

 

Today I loved you more

As I turned my head

and you ran over  

to the book-filled table

and grabbed Chasing Utopia and had it

signed to us.

We are.

 

Today I loved you more

When you slid into Spanish with ease

like you stepped out of your work shoes

on to a cushy home carpet.

Mi Hondureno.

 

Today I loved you more

When you kicked the ball past me to score a goal-

walked me to the bay-

and stood silently and watched as I led the girls-

at the neighborhood park.

I’m safe.

 

Today I loved you more

As we sat-

my body on your chest

your hands curled up in mine

and we watched a film for class

and you translated what I could not understand

El Dorado-I am there.

 

Today I loved you more

When you picked up the thick, red,

week-old roses you bought from Whole Foods

and spread the petals from the living room

to the bed.

I’m following your lead.

 

Today I loved you more

When you picked up my daughter

sleeping in an almost gymnastic pose

on the living room couch

and tucked her in tight in the safety of the

4-cottage pink walls you painted.

Today I loved you more,

Today I loved you more,

And it is something

never

to be undone.

 

Copyright @Nichelle Calhoun 2013

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“The Power of Now”- title taken from Eckhart Tolle

I will not save my best moments for times not promised.

Instead, feather me; sequin me in the brilliance of the present.

Give me my technicolor fantasies off screen and in reality.

Give me my present in the bosom of an unpredictable earth, in the arms of an unconquerable nature.

Give it to me on the edge of instinct, at the intersection of freedom and desire;

 

This is my version of time immemorial.

 

It is my ancestors’ work summed up into now,

made to flourish in my temporary custody,

built infinitely fragile and equally resilient.

 

I dare not sell it off to defeat, rent it to sorrow, or sublet it to fleeting insecurities.

 

Instead, I will let my passion leak out onto the surface of the earth.

Let it actively water the soil in which my ancestors lie beneath.

I will not waste it,

like a careless running faucet,

Or be afraid to use it,

like a sheepish, latent talent.

I will just be present for this present,

Because now is the only thing I truly own,

and the single most important gift willed to me by the universe. 

Copyright © 2012 Nichelle Calhoun